Do you think combining money and marriage is a recipe for disaster? You’re not alone. Money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and it’s the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.1 When we talk about money in relationships of any kind, we’re bound to find some frustration and tension.
No matter how much you love your spouse, trying to merge your lives—and “his and her money”—can be a bumpy (but still beautiful!) ride. After all, you both are coming from different life experiences, and the way you perceived and internalized those experiences was probably very different. That’s why you sometimes have two very different views on money!
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So, give each other grace. And use these seven steps to build bridges, not burn them:
1. Keep a joint bank account.
Some couples think the best way to avoid money arguments is to keep separate checking accounts. His paycheck goes into one account, hers goes into another, and they each pay bills separately. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong. This lays the groundwork for major problems with your money and marriage.
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But you guys, marriage is a partnership. It’s no longer “his and her money.” The officiant said, “Two become one.” Separating the money and splitting the bills is a bad idea that only leads to more money and relationship problems down the road. Don’t keep separate accounts. Put all of your money together and begin to look at it as a whole.
2. Discuss your lifestyle choices together.
Let’s say you’re perfectly content shopping at Goodwill when you need to update your wardrobe, but your spouse loves to buy name-brand items at full price. If you have an income that doesn’t support expensive taste, that’s going to be a problem.
Marriage is all about compromise. If one of you has more expensive taste, consider shopping at an outlet mall to snag those name brands at affordable prices.
Because the bottom line is: Your lifestyle needs to line up with your actual income—not what you wish it was. You might want to live like a perfectly curated Instagram post, but don’t let yourself fall down that rabbit hole. Especially when there aren’t enough zeros in your bank account.
3. Recognize your difference in personality.
Everyone’s money mindset is different, and opposites tend to attract. Chances are, one of you loves working with numbers (the nerd) and the other one would rather not be tied down by what the numbers show (the free spirit). One of you might be the saver and the other is more inclined to spend.
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While personality differences cause some marital problems, it isn’t the real root of your money and marriage issues. The source of the problem is whenever one of you neglects to hear the other’s input, or when one of you bows out from handling the finances altogether.
Listen up, financial nerds. Don’t keep the money details all to yourself. And stop using your “knowledge” to boss around your free-spirit spouse.
If you’re the more carefree spouse, don’t just nod your head and say, “That looks great, babe.” You have a vote in the budget meetings! Give feedback, criticism and encouragement.
News flash: You’re both on the same team here, so work on the budget together! Use your personality differences to become a stronger, more united team.
Source: https://tholansonnha.com
Category: Finance
